The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize