Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
