Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
