and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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