saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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