Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
