If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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