Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
