So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize