Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
