Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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