I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
