We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize