I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
