drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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