You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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