I can tuck mytits in my pants
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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