Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
