All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
