I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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