yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
