Me too!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
