I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
