Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
