at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
