I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Ketchup is God's man juice
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
