the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You were trust falling into bushes
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
