Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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