My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
