I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize