Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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