apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
why do cheetos always look like penises
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think people are normalizing furries
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
