She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
