OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
