Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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