Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
