I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When are your genitals available?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize