I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize