so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
