i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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