For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize