You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize