end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
