I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize