What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
