guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
