Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I met the friendliest cop last night
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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