I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
