fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
