I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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