Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
