He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
