i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
