walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize