maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
