This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
