We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Can you bring me the toilet please
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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