i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
