Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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