On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Randomize
