girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
