I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
