I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
