I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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