Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
