that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
