I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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