ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
