my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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