erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
