we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
