I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My vagina is officially offended.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
